Yeah, this hula hoop is one that Grams' gave me five years ago.
She took it out of her storeroom at her house; said it was Mom's,
now it's mine. I'm the oldest, and a girl, so Grams said it should
be mine.  I really didn't think much about it because I really
wasn't into the hoop thing then, you know. Kids are into roller-blades
and stuff and I didn't want to come off as a first class geek
or something. The hoop sat in my bedroom closet by the stuff I
have that used to be cool. The hoop doesn't sit anymore though.
Been hooping every day for a year and plan to keep going a lot
further.
	My friend Madja thinks the hula-hoop thing's real deep. Her real
name is Carla but she changed it because she's like into new age
crystals and stuff. Besides, she thinks it's cool and I think
she's cool, so o.k. Anyway, she told me that it was really, really
heavy getting into hula hoop, like atoms have rings around them
like a hula hoop around a person's waist. Man, that was so deep
and I got to thinking about it too. Madja always gets me thinking
after I laugh at her a lot. She also told me that the planets
and the universe revolve around the center of the galaxy, kind
of like the atom. 
	I mean, like, wow, how profound? I never looked at it like that
before. Madja has a way of looking at things that way. She told
me that hula-hooping is like, trying to center my pure energy
and that the hoop hung around my chakra. I never really knew what
a chakra was but it sounds like something under my waist. Madja
told me that people have at least five of them or something. Tough
trying to imagine it all until Madja explains it to me. Then everything
becomes like really clear. Guess using crystals and stuff would
be all right but not as fun as a hoop. You just sit and stare
at crystals. Besides, you get a decent spin on a hoop and it feels
way cool.
	Did I tell you that it's a custom hoop? I took the little plastic
shaker stones out of it and put a couple of my brothers steelies
inside. Even bought some bike tape to match and cover the hole
I had to cut in the hoop. It's balanced and has a feel you won't
believe. I rolled it down the sidewalk to see if the steel marbles
helped. Jeez, it rolled halfway down our block. It's a short block
but it rolled further than I ever thought it would. I think it
really kicks now that I've souped it up.  
	I really like to hoop with music, most of the time anyway. Saved
up money doin' some odd baby-sitting jobs and bought this way
cool blaster. You can play two tapes at once and they can play
the opposite side of the tape without pushing a button or ejecting
or anything. What makes it so great is I can keep hoopin' without
having to take a break. Sometimes I get so lost in a hula that
I don't even know that the music's playing, like I go deaf or
something. I keep concentrating on the hoop rolling around my
waist and that's it. 
	You'd think all of that concentrating would make me a straight
' A ' geek in school, but it hasn't. Try to wing through my homework
as fast as I can so I can use the hoop. The teachers keep railing
on us about goals and values all the time. Hey, like I know what
goes on, I'm 13 years old for Christ sake. I want to be the absolute
best hula-hoopin' kind of babe in the world. No second best stuff.
That's a goal, the goal. As long as I understand that, that's
all that matters.    
	Mom worries about me a lot. I'm like her only daughter, even
though I'm the oldest. I tell her not to freak out or anything,
that I'm fine and stuff but I have a hard time convincing her
of anything. She'll tell me she worries too, but that like happens
all of the time, so what can you do? Maybe she feels weird about
Dad not being here. It wasn't her fault he up and left. He just
did. Madja tells me that guys do that a lot, married or not. I
think  I'd get married if my husband bought me stuff and let me
hula hoop.
	Mom worries about the way I look too. She wants me to get involved
with guys, let them take me to the Stop 'n' Run and stuff. Not
interested, yet. It takes time away from Madja and the hoop. I
need both right now, especially the hoop. Mom thinks Madja's a
little strange but that's cool. I don't give a hang, it's just
another one of Moms' worries. 
	Guess that Mom started worrying big time when I was put in the
hospital by the school nurse. I was fine, a little weak maybe
but no biggie. Course I lost a lot of weight, just a bug going
around, that's all. Nurse Clampton said I was suffering from anorexia.
Yeah, me, Holly, a 'rexic. I was just feeling a little weak from
not having lunch yet, that's all. The doctor told Mom that it
could be early signs or something but it was inconclusive. Just
like Nurse Clampton to blow things out of proportion. She should
mind her own business, get a hoop of her own and shed a few chunks
of that unwanted fat.
	I like to keep trim anyway. A good flu bug will keep the fat
off. I like to stay a good three pounds from my ideal weight or
else my hoopin' is off. Mom and Nurse Clampton think I obsess
too much about my weight and the hoop. What in the hell is that
anyway? It must be that shrink stuff, like I need a shrink or
something. I think the nurse sees the same shrink as Mom and that's
where they learn all this crap. It may be fine for them but I
hope they don't include me in their problems. I know me better
than anyone. I have to keep my weight down. Is that so hard for
them to understand? If I maintain my ideal weight I can hoop for
hours. 
	One Saturday I got up early and started hooping at about seven
o'clock. Just kept the orange plastic goin', tape recorder kept
playing my hoop songs over and over. I made it to eight o'clock,
after supper. Mom finally made me stop. She said I had to eat.
She wanted me to bathe too. What I didn't tell anyone was that
I peed my pants while I was hoopin' so I didn't have to break.
I chewed bubble gum to keep my mouth from getting dry. I had it
all planned, and Mom had to go and stop me. 
	I've really tried to sit down and talk to Mom about all of this
but she never understands. She sits there and listens and starts
crying. I suppose that's what all Moms are supposed to do. It's
all so simple though. That hoop is my life. I feel alive and great
when that hoop is rolling around my body. I feel like I'm the
center of the universe and everything revolves around me. Everything.
I feel super important when I hoop. Is that so hard to see or
understand? I'm somebody. 
	Sunday morning is my favorite time to hoop. Mom and my brother
Eddie are already off to church. Mom gave up bringing me. The
last time she tried I raised such a stink in the church entry
way in front of the Pastor. I'm sure he thought I was like possessed
or something. Mom says she prays for me so I don't worry about
church too much. She says that prayer will show me the way to
heaven, but I know different.
	I'm happy to see them leave, watch for the car to pull out of
the driveway. Then I know it's o.k. to do my ritual. I take my
p.j's off and underwear until I'm naked. I feel silly at first
but it's important. I look in the full-length mirror at the end
of the hall and check myself over, front and back. Then, I begin
hoopin'. There's barely enough room in the hallway but I manage.
It's part of the challenge. Then, I look long, stare into my own
dark blue eyes in the mirror. I keep staring and hooping' until
things begin to blur. I'm barely able realize the hoop shooshing
around my skinny, naked waist. I see white light growing brighter
in the corners of my eyes till everything is absolutely white.
My body feels like it's tumbling sideways somersaults but I still
can't feel the tips of my toes or fingers. My long brown hair
tingles down to the roots, through my scalp, into my brain, in
the center where all of the dreams come in.
	Images form in my head; thing I couldn't remember before, like
why Dad left. I see my Mom and Dad fighting, with one another.
Mom is crying real hard, not her  worry cry, but her real sad
cry. Father is packing his old brown suitcase, says something
to Mom about a woman named Angie. He tosses his wedding ring on
the kitchen counter. Mom follows him as far as the kitchen door
before it slams in her face. She looks out the window for awhile,
then crumples up by the door like the tissue she holds, balled
up in her right hand. It's then that everything snaps back, like
I wake up from a bad, dream.
	I feel like I've just gotten off a wild carnival ride; pale,
sweating, dizzy, spinning. I rush to the bathroom and urp my guts
out, as I do after every intense hoop vision. At first it wasn't
too cool. I was really scared. After my sick stomach settles I
realize how important it is. I must get rid of the bad in my life.
Madja told me that sympathetic magic is like that; get rid of
physical matter and it will rid you of bad feelings or thoughts.
I've been getting rid of quite a bit of bad in my life lately,
and the hoop shows me how.   
	I don't expect anyone to understand what I do with the hoop,
maybe Madja. I must admit I haven't seen her too much these days.
She gets a little carried away with things. Madja says that I
should do other things, get away from the hoop for awhile. I think
that she's been talking with Mom or something. I thought it was
so uncool and stuff but she denies talking to my Mom. Get this,
she said that the crystals told her that I needed to cool the
hoop for awhile. Yeah, right. I told Madja that she was totally
unfair so I've been blowing her off until she comes to her senses
and stuff.      
	 
Kevin Zepper